Looking back at another year

It’s that time again to thank mom, and sit down with a bottle of wine and look back at life, particularly the last year, to see whether it has been good.  Let’s see, still have a couple of true friends, even though our views of world started to differ recently, but we are still true friends as what true friends mean.  Got two boys who so far have been growing up fine, all looking good for them to become good and honorable men.  Two papers in peer-reviewed journals, more than a couple of patents granted and few more filed in the last year alone. Been taking care of dozens of employees and their families, trying to be fair and helpful with everyone involved.  

Yet nothing too dramatic has happened in recent years. Experiencing an 8.9 quake in Chengdu did not feel like anything felt back in 76 during the Tangshan earthquake.  Nothing came close to surpass the experience 11 years ago as major event in life.  It hardened me, like battle field tough, whatever bad happens now could not be as oppressive and unjust as what I had experience then, so it is actually natural to never give in, never give up.  Sometimes I can’t stop wondering what if it all ended then?  Would it be worth it?  Would there be regrets that all the things that happened in the last 11 years would not have had the chances to play out?  Would the world miss my discoveries and contributions?  Probably not, but what about the kids?  I guess hypothetical questions are pointless most of the times, because all optional assumptions are of no real consequences.  Even so, I would say yes to the “worth it” questions, seeing what has occurred to other countries since 89 and their peoples, and what is happening to the tired and the poor of my old country.  Had I died back then, I would have wished that if one day someone would put something like this to the memory of me:

“You did not bear the shame
You resisted
Sacrificing your life
For freedom, justice and honor”

A memorial to von Stauffenberg  and the entire German Resistance  

Since I didn’t become a hero, this should go to those who did sacrifice their lives.  For me, at least I can say, I did not bear the shame.